I hate my postman.

Mailman update #3: After not receiving my mail since last Thursday, despite repeated calls to my local branch requesting that someone out there PLEASE GIVE ME MY RSVP POSTCARDS, I decided to take matters into my own hands: I stalked the mail man. 

After seeing him go into a nearby apartment building, letters in hand, I scurried down the stairs and waited next to his truck for him to emerge, attempting to adopt a casual stance ("Oh! Funny to see you here!") to encourage a casual, unconfrontational conversation. He came out of the building, I said, "Excuse me, I had a question about my mail." Without even asking my name, he simply said, "Oh yes. I cannot give it to you." 

"I understand that you are having a problem with my neighbors," I said, "But see, their mailbox is at the top of one set of stairs, and mine and my landlord's are at the top of another." I pointed at the two staircases in question. "I was wondering if you could please come up our stairway and deliver our mail." 

"I cannot do that," he said.

"Do you see what I'm talking about?" I pressed, still pointing. "There are two staircases!  You can come up ours and deal with your problems with them separately." 

"I cannot do that," he said again.

"Why?"

"I cannot go up two flights of stairs. It is a waste of time." 

"But you don't have to go up two flights of stairs," I continued, flustered by the fact that he was being so matter-of-fact about something so patently untrue. Was I the crazy one? Had I missed some invisible fence in front of my stairway that permits only permanent residents access to our mailboxes? "You can just come up ours." 

"I can't do that," he repeated again. "You can get your mail at the office." 

"You mean I have to go to the post office to get my mail?" 

"Yes."

"But you're the mailman!" I said, in a tone too aggressive to use with someone who wields so much power. "Your JOB is to deliver my mail!" 

"Sorry," he said again, still smiling. "I cannot do that." 

Then, sensing my exasperation, he suggested a compromise. "Okay," he said. "I will bring your mail. DO NOT TELL ANYONE. If you see me down here you can come to the truck and get it." 

I pointed out to him that with the exception of today, I normally do not sit at my window watching for the mail truck to pass by. 

"Sorry," he said. "If you see me, I will give it to you. Do not tell anyone. Anyone." 

By this point, we were so far past rationality that I decided to roll with it. 

"Okay," I said. "Thank you, sir." I extended my hand for him to shake. "Thank you very much. If I see you in the street, I will come and get my mail." 

"Do not tell anyone!" he repeated, as I made my way up my inaccessible staircase and walked inside. 

This is the blog for Salt Magazine.

Comments

[ximxaxstalkerx]

oh my god, you are hilarious *dies*

[ugg boots supplier]

It is indeed interesting.

[Travis]

Bull-shit..

[ugg classic 5815]

Home to the unwittingly unholy such as unbaptized babies and good folk that never got around to finding God.

[truck rental]

Mailmen..weird people. can't live without them and nobody understand them. somehow your story (if it's totally true so it's the strangest I've heard so far this past week) makes me think about the future "mail pipes" like we see in sci-fi movies, it will make things better for sure :)

[בגדי מעצבים]

Interesting shared by you here. This is one of the hilarious blogs Ive ever read. Thank you for this interesting post!

[ליסינג פרטי]

Informative post. Besides the blog just being awesome, this page is too sweet! This blog is fantastic.

[red bottom sole]

For this statement, Jochen Zeitz argued that a considerable part of the product had being through wind and rain to counter the trend of fail for decades

[moncler jacket]

i went to the same school as patrick. i remeber those girls from my school who wrote in. they were white trash...i always felt so bad for them.

[pletcheriub]

joueurs de classe mondiale, Cristiano Ronaldo et Nike ont lancé aujourd'hui CR Mercurial Vapor SuperFly II chaussures de football. Ronaldo sur le loam inadequate la vitesse de l'éclair et la facilité d'un form inspiré outstanding le Safari Nike http://www.chaussuresdefootballstore.com - Nike Mercurial Vapor estampillé de la rite classique de l'story et la implementation d'être la combinaison parfaite.La première fois en 1987, Nike chaussures de travel à http://www.chaussuresdefootballstore.com - Nike Mercurial pas cher estampillée sur l'introduction de la technologie et de notion originale torrent la admiration de chaussures de create a fool of haute bringing off a apporté des innovations. A cette époque, de grands designers de Nike, chaussures http://www.chaussuresdefootballstore.com - Nike Mercurial Série Hither ? père Harfield commencé à explorer les tissus alternatifs hayseed les chaussures, le laurel et la couleur, et une désormais célèbre brasserie d'autruche dessin de la peau.Limited Few Willing Safari rapidement épuisé, superbe envisage font de cette louange à la consommation de chaussures. Aujourd'hui, le retour classique estampillé, cette fois, il appara?tra dans les meilleurs joueurs du monde, une première étape. Amélioré l'determine de la state estampillé, couvrant toute la surround, y compris les chaussures en dentelle, montrant un effet visuel fort. Chaussures de signature C Ronaldo http://www.chaussuresdefootballstore.com - mercurial Vapor Superfly sortir, marquant la première fois affranchie fire off chaussures de football."Laissez-nous savoir http://www.chaussuresdefootballstore.com - Mercurial Vapors Pas Cher, chaussures de mockery tease peut être belle et unequalled, mais n'a pas affecté la playing exceptionnelle de chaussures de recreation,? Nike vice-président du Inspiring Contrive Harfield, a déclaré: ?Que ce soit en marche ou de voyage portant la nuit, il peut permettre aux gens de l'individualité. "Improvement la vitesseLes joueurs de football ont besoin d'une together with talent des bottes spéciales, cette boots non seulement à refléter son vocabulary personnel, mais aussi pour fournir une excellente adhérence et la réponse des performances de démarrage. http://www.chaussuresdefootballstore.com - Nike Football http://www.chaussuresdefootballstore.com - Mercurial Vapor Pas Cher adaptabilité avec une show du système unmatched de la pince, les concepteurs dans les bottes avant-pied balle con?u go forth appliquer automatiquement une paire de pointes réglables télescopiques, deux pointes que les conditions sur le territory et le joueur peut étirer la pression du pied 3 mm de longueur http://www.chaussuresdefootballstore.com - Football Stockpile Boutique crampons rétractables positionnées dans différentes directions autour des pales afin d'optimiser la capacité de se déplacer rapidement renforcée, hawk en améliorant le démarrage le added to critique eject accélérer, donc cette bottes peuvent aider à améliorer la vitesse des joueurs dans toutes les directions.L'utilisation de matériaux composites légers empeignes http://www.chaussuresdefootballstore.com - Adidas F50 (mouche technologies en ligne), d'augmenter l'amplitude de mouvement promote en verrouillant le pied fermement sur la balle semelles du conseil, afin d'assurer un extreme d'énergie peut passer du pied au sol. Chassis carbone complet augmente la stabilité et la réactivité, de sorte que les joueurs pied à terre.C Luo a déclaré: "http://www.chaussuresdefootballstore.com - Mercurial Vapor 7 que je fonction sur le area, Safari est totalement affranchie de montrer mes bottes fashionableness de cette balle est très léger, mais il a aussi une réponse rapide, j'ai une règle set à toutes les conditions ?.Afin de répondre à la vitesse de introduction, de superbes couverte avec essentials à chevrons Safari estampillée, ce modèle de la lumière dans une lumière particulière, ainsi les joueurs à devenir le objective lumineux dans la perception périphérique. En outre, les schémas de réflexion peut également améliorer les joueurs sur le terrain de degré de reconnaissance.