Procrastinator's Toolbox

Down to the Core

This is the absolute worst link I got with regard to the Michael Richards fiasco.

Now that I got that out of the way, Mel Gibson, Michael Richards, I don't give a crap, it's when you're mad and/or drunk that the truth comes out.  Don't give me no bullshit about not meaning it.  It's the same reasons dudes can only say they love another dude when they're both drunk.

So call me racist if you want, but I have a big fucking problem with those asshole immigrant Koreans who can barely speak English but use street slang.  If I hear one more Korean twat at school say " I see you rater, yo", I'm gonna fucking provoke Kim Jong Il.  And yet these tards get hired and steal the jobs us properly speaking Koreans seek at karaoke bars and nail salons.  Is this the America I signed up for?  I think not.

I hereby officially ask Congress to start referring to Kim Chee as "Freedom Slaw".

- by walking talking stereotyper Ted Kim who in reality is extremely prejudiced against Japanese Jews for Jesus, or as they are more ominously known, the JJJ.

Something to Do Over the Break

The State is on iTunes.  'Nuff said.

- by comedy scholar Ted Kim who says "I'm outta heeeere..."  Thanks to TJ Tays for the heads up!

Turkey Day

My favorite turkey picture.  The bird is nice too.

For those who don't know, you missed Turkey day.  Turkey day, October 1st, is the day to celebrate Turkish independence and Kemal Pasha, aka Ataturk.

I'm going away for American Turkey Day, to Seattle, which still does not rhyme with Don Cheadle.  Enjoy this extremely annoying Thanksgiving game.  Make sure the sound is on or it ain't nearly as annoying.

- by escapist Ted Kim who hopes y'all have fun with your respective annoying families.  (This Thanksgiving, I am thankful that y'all have such boring lives that you actually read this blog.  God bless.)

Eat Like a Hottie

I like girls with booty.  In fact, I inisist a lady have cottage cheese thighs. 

But this, this is way out there.

- by feeder Ted Kim who feels no guilt for turning women I date zaftig.  Knowing my luck, I'm gonna end up marrying Olive Oyl.
 

PMSL!

IMHO, TTBOMK, this is the wackiest story I've read AFAICR.  HAND.  (Glossary available here.)

- by NIFOC Ted Kim who has only ever tried to get a dog drunk.

CITI FIELD?!?

The new Mets stadium will be called Citi Field in honor of the humongoid banking/whoring empire.  I don't think I'm cool with this.  I officially plead for Maxi Tampons to acquire Citigroup. 

- by Mets whore Ted Kim who wants to organize all Asians to fake an accent and call it Shitty Field.

Trade K-Fed Now!

Or deport him.

I play fantasy sports, a lot of fantasy sports, and despite what some of you may think, it doesn't involve Bret Favre dressed in a French maid outfit cooking me creme brulee.  One might say that fantasy sports is an obsession for me, investing money and hours I don't have in the careers of others.  Women especially don't get this, much in the way they didn't get why I was so into Dungeons and Dragons.  But it's loads of fun blaming athletes for my own misery and is a great outlet for my frustrations and hopes.

Well now there's a fantasy sport that everyone can play: "The Tabloid Fantasy League".  I'm betting Paris Hilton is the equivalent of LeBron James and K-Fed is suddenly a "sell high" candidate, pun intended.  What a world.

- by fantasizer Ted Kim who wants Britney to know that I too will knock her up as long as there ain't no prenup.  Offer's open to Martha Stewart as well.

Geneva Convention

Whenever I see a dog wearing a shirt or a baby wearing a pumpkin costume or a sailor uniform on a day other than Halloween, I wonder.  First I wonder what the parents are trying to convey with these outfits.  My child is going to grow up to not ask and not tell while defending our nation?  My baby's diaper gives her a pumpkin butt and we don't want her ass to look fat? 

And then I ask myself: if the child or dog had a choice, what would they wear?  I have a feeling little dogs would be fond of dogcatcher outfits, big dogs would wear banana hammocks, and babies would wear nothing.  And because they have no control over the ridiculous whims of their parents/ owners, this falls under the Geneva Convention definition of torture: "outrages upon personal dignity, in particular humiliating and degrading treatment".

I love kids.  I love dogs more.  So why do we do this?  And this?!?

- by crybaby Ted Kim who wishes I had someone to dress me every day.  Above is Henry dressed as Yoda (on Halloween).

Shamed

I thought this blog was at the very least enjoyable.  Not so.  I have been shamed.

Read this blog written by the fictional Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother.  He speaks truth.

- by NPH fan Ted Kim who's been craving burgers.  FURburgers.  For another great NPH experience, check out Undercover Brother.

YAY!

And SCREW YOU!

- by Mr. Met's little brother Big Head Ted Met who apologizes for the lack of activity here.  Midterms.  Anyone wanna contribute?  Thanks to Suzetastic for taking the awesome photos.