Procrastinator's Toolbox

Bunnery

Remember toasted Jesus?  Well, now it's Mother Theresa's turn.  As bun.

- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim

Not-so-Intelligent Design: Pro-Bush poem in Pakistani schoolbooks

Left, right, up, down, diagonal, or stationary, you too will think "The Leader" is messed up. 

If you don't, then frankly, you're messed up. 

- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim

"My Lobotomy" You. Have. To. Listen. To. This.

My Lobotomy is an audio documentary created over two years by Howard Dully, one of thousands who underwent Walter Freeman's "orbital lobotomy" procedure. 

- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim

Lookin' Doofy

According to Plum Enterprises, Inc., "ProtectaCap® is so comfortable it's called the Protective Headgear For People Who Won't Wear Protective Headgear." 

But we here at SMPT think that perhaps the ProtectaCap people missed the point that people don't wear protective headgear not because it's uncomfortable, but because it looks stupid.

Poor ProtectaCap people.  We here at SMPT think they made their protectacap a little too late to save themselves.

- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim

cOcaiNeION

This is what happens when you decide to hide your cocaine stash in an onion.  Now where's the deep-fryer?

- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim, who wonders what would an iron chef do?

Breaking News: 2 hearsay traits pigs & humans share

According to a recent conversation among SMPT contributors, the following is true:

1) Pigs and humans are the only animals that can get sun burnt.

2) Pigs and humans are the only animals lacking the biological automatic shut-off mechanism that makes us stop eating when full.

Neither of these facts have been substantiated with any research or fact-checking whatsoever.  If true, we here at SMPT headquarters find them interesting in and of themselves; if false, we find them even more fascinating as it points to the illogic of the deviant human brain and the unanswered question of why would anyone make this up?

- report by SMPT correspondent Kyoung Kim

Intelligent life e-forms?

We've all gotten it before: spam that brings glad tidings of mega million winnings.  They ask you to send your name, number, social security number, etc...  However, the one this SMPTer received this morning is worthy of a post for the section that reads:

Due to a mix up of some names and numbers, we strongly recommend that you keep this award a top secret from the public notice until your claims have been processed and the money remitted to your account.  This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwanted scams of this program by other participants.

Does this not sink to a whole new level of intellectual insult?  How stupid greedy does James Ink (named sender of said email) think people are?  Well, ignoring history, and current events, and that green-eyed monster within... Erm, pretend that I didn't post this and that you didn't read this until all claims have been processed and money remitted into my account.

- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim, who wants you to know you can read the full spam-ail in the "continue to read" section

Failure, Google-fined

Go to Google. 

Type "failure" in the prompt.

Click "I'm feeling lucky."

I believe that no matter what your political affiliation, you'll be left feeling not so lucky.

- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim

Kinder Kid is Human!

BBC's headline of "Kinder child comes out as a man"  has come as quite a shock to a certain SMTP staff member who was of the firm belief that the Kinder child was a possessed albino bunny.  Hearing the confessions of the Kinder kid after 32 years of fearing the Kinder curse of bunny kind comes as quite a relief to this same procrastinator (who spent several of those years as nervous energy in the ether of the universe), but she now fears what this recent discovery bodes for humankind. 

Oh, she knows she is not alone.

- report by ever-concerned SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim

Don't Date Him Girl!

The website name says it all.  DontDateHimGirl.com is a website that "allows sisters to share their experiences with cheating men by posting pictures and other information about them in an easy-to-use, searchable database."  This is what the internet was made for.

- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim