An alarm clock that'll rock your world. Unless you're a pig. Or a vegetarian. Or hungover. Or a hungover vegetarian pig.
Thanks again to Melody Joy Kramer for the investigatin' into all things bacon.
- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim
Look at the cellular line on that Phone Thong
According to the ad wizards of Cell Power the Phone Thong is what women have been waiting for. "Finally," they say "a comfortable, convenient mobile phone carrying solution for women." Here here. We women have been waiting far too long for our phones to understand what it feels like to have a perpetual wedgie. It's right up there with gender equality, a cure for breast cancer, and reproductive rights. And how clever to call it a thong. Comfort and convenience -- yes, that's exactly why women wear thongs.
- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim who says yay to a four day week, boo to being in the office, and another boo for no summer hours
Photostamps: You, only 32c better (or "Photostamps: Falls from Innocence and Lessons in Human Depravity")
Photostamps. It's a really excellent idea: get stamps made from images you like. Cool. Very cool. But when they were first introduced a few years back, Photostamps were almost immediately pulled because its creators and the USPS couldn't deal with the unexpected influx of requests for stamps imprinted with images of the sexual-, phallic-, sado-masochistic-, serial killer-, and dictator-kind. They had expected babies. Lots and lots of babies. Their mind-boggling naivete shattered, the makers of Photostamps disappeared behind the pre-fab images of flowers, celeb caricatures, animals, space, buildings, and ribbons for causes. Yet, every now and then, if you were very still and quiet, you could still hear them begging the question "Where were all the babies?" in the background of the local post office... Then the voices ceased, and the whirring started. And now... PHOTOSTAMPS ARE BACK! And as tame as ever. With a new quality control system in place that combines technology and human scanners who can teach the CIA a thing or two (but then again, so can I) with their six months of image-recognition training, Photostamps is once again up and running, and now, yes, finally, you can make stamps that feature photos of -- ooh, yippee, that's right --babies.
- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim, who blames Marketing for making mock-ups which featured nothing but babies
and then God said, "Let there be The Dryer Ball"
According to The Laundry Alternative, Inc, The Dryer Ball is "a truly revolutionary product which can cut drying times by up to 50 percent. It also reduces wear and tear on clothing, can serve as an alternative to ironing, eliminates the need for fabric softener and reduces static cling." This is the first time I've heard of it. Why? Does it not work? Or is it something you only have access to if you're a member of a secret cult? Or have Snuggles the Bear, the Downy baby, and dry cleaners the world over sabotaged every campaign effort to bring to the public this remarkable ingenious worth-more-than-its-weight-in-gold-and-wrinkled-clothing gadget? Ooh that Snuggles. That's one devious bear.
- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim
