Procrastinator's Toolbox

Pig-headed

As a disclaimer to yesterday's post, the editorial board that represents the five hundred+ person staff of SMPT would like to clarify that its pig-human comparative study of October 12, 2005 in no way implies that pigs and humans are one and the same.

If pigs ruled the world, they would not be so stupid as to wear likenesses of us on their heads.  The same applies to cows and chickens.

- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim, who says too bad there's no cat hat.  Then we could re-enact the "Brain Candy" scene where Kevin McDonald cries "cat on my head!  cat on my head!" without worrying about claws.

Pets on ice don't play catch

The site is Frozenrodents.com, the company name is "Perfect Pets, Inc."  Not what you would normally think of as "synonyms", but each to his/her own. His/her sick sick sick sick sick sick own.  Great for frozen chicks, as well as live crickets and superworms too!

Muchos gracias to Catherine Price for this one.

- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim, who wants to know if you get the first $40 worth of orders for free?

Say that it wasn't you, and mean it.

Odorless panties.  While in theory a good idea, if you need these, perhaps, well, not to be all hygienic about it, there are larger issues at hand that you are failing to address.  Such as showering.  And laundry.  And regular undie changing.

Thanks for Melody Joy Kramer for alerting SMPT of these. 

- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim

ChristianMortgageUSA.com

It's exactly that.

Thanks to the Catherine Pricenator for flagging this one.   

- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim, who is still at a loss for a way to describe ChristianMortgageUSA.com better than "ChristianMortgageUSA.com"

Some math for y'all.

Salt will soon be publishing an interview with A.J. Jacobs, Senior Editor at Esquire and author of The Know-It-All about his experience reading the entire encyclopedia. At the end of the interview, we asked him to answer a word problem that one of Catherine's fifth grade tutees once told her. You'll read his answer soon, but just to whet your appetite, see if you can answer it yourself:

You're a farmer and you've got exactly $100 to spend (and you've got to spend it all). Sheep are $5, goats are $2 and chickens are 10 cents. You need to buy exactly 100 animals (so it's 100 bucks for 100 animals). How many of each are you going to buy?

Yeah? How do you like that triple variable action, tough guy?

Winner wins a hypothetical kiss!

We have a winner!

I would like to point out that Andy Garrison has won round one of "Watersports," a blog entry/intellectual challenge from a few weeks ago, involving two beakers, a faucet, and a word problem given to me by a fifth grader. For details, check out his comment--but suffice it to say that young Andy is a. very smart, b. has a bit of free time on his hands and c. just won ten imaginary dollars. Woo hoo! Go, Andy! Look at the fame and recognition that you're getting! If you come to our launch party, perhaps we can even give you a cookie!!

For anyone whose curiosity is piqued, though, I will point out that there's actually another way to solve the problem, a solution pointed out by Andy's friend Max. Try to figure it out. Twenty imaginary dollars. And maybe a cookie, too.

(The problem: using two containers that hold exactly three and eight liters but have no markings on them, how can you measure exactly four liters--provided that you've got a faucet and drain on hand.)

Goats or Cars? The choice is yours.

Many of you may have heard this problem before, but Catherine just fell asleep thinking about it, and is eager to share:

You're on a game show, and you're told to pick one of three doors. Behind two are goats. Behind the third is a car.

You pick a door. The host opens one of the remaining doors, revealing a goat. He then asks you if you would prefer to stick with your original choice, or switch doors.

Which is the better option (assuming you'd prefer to win a car)? And why?

*this problem is worth more than 10 imaginary dollars, depending on which door you pick*
**it is also blatantly lifted both from Catherine's 11th grade math class and The Curious Incident Of The Dog in the Night-Time, which is an excellent book that you should read**

Watersports

You are in a strange alternate universe where a. you are very bored and b. the only materials you have available are an 8-liter and a 3-liter container, both unmarked (as in, all you know is that they hold a TOTAL of 8 and 3 liters each but they have no other measurements), and a faucet with running water (and a drain).

Using only these materials, how can you measure exactly 4 liters of water?

*This problem is worth 10 imaginary dollars*