The makers of the Magic 8-Ball: Unofficial Homepage do a Mr. Wizard thing and provide a firsthand dissection of that which is at once both oracle and mishhapen billiard ball. Visit only if you want to know; stay away if it's enough for you to believe.
Thanks to Gene Perelson for the toolboxy filling.
- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim, who clarifies that the belief is in life after love
According to a vast void of research, the following is all true:
• Rhinos ejaculate 10 times during intercourse because the probability of impregnation is so low.
• Birds do it in the air.
• Some ducks are necrophiliacs.
• Rhinos have prehensile penises that can be moved in a circular motion, allowing them to increase the surface area over which they can mark their territory with uring (think upside down military tank).
• The force of a dolphin's ejaculation is so strong, it could blow through a man's head (think gun, bullet).
• The Central Park gay penguin couple recently split when one of them left the other for a lady penguin, thereby confirming penguins are hos.
• Hyena females have phalluses which are a bitch when giving birth (think penis, baby through it).
• Female lobsters pee on male lobsters to subdue them before intercourse.
Thanks to all who swore it's true on a late night at Nami & Quinn's for the illumination and edification.
- report by gullible SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim
These are real parrot chicks. Not fake parrot chicks. Not fake in the middle of having their feathers glued onto their plastic torsos so that they can look normal parrot chicks. Real chicks going through real parrot chick puberty.
And we thought we had it bad. Poor chicks!
- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim, who thinks maybe acne isn't so bad afterall
But where the hell's the dodo? Or the pyrenean ibex? Oh yeah, those weren't mythical. They were killed out of existence. Well, this went from exciting to depressing in no time at all.
- report by moody SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim, who says run away squid, run -- or swim if you prefer it
According to the official site, neuticles are testicular implants for pets that allow "your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with neutering". Lop them off, implant fake ones. Then get your own matching pair of silicone pet nuts to dangle from a keychain or necklace. Sounds like a recipe for well-adjusted doggydom to me.
Available in three sizes: NeuticleOriginals (rigid firmness), NeuticleNatural (natural firmness), and Neuticles UltraPlus (no description provided; assumed that customer knows what this means).
Thanks to Catherine Price for this disturbing bit of procrastination.
- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim
Astronomy Picture of the Day Archive has a different image/photo of the universe (like this here lenticular cloud) each day along with an explanation provided by a professional astronomer of how such craziness is possible. That's right. No unprofessional, quack, hack, wanna-be, amateur, hobbyist, made-up, fake, imaginary, snuffleupagus, boy scout, dilettant, apprentice, in-training, assistant, assistant's assistant, undergraduate, my-minor-was-in astronomers here. Nope. Not that we have anything against snuffleupagi.
Thanks to Gene Perelson for this find for the Toolbox wherein, like Pandora's, we find hope at the bottom. And they have the same initials! BFF.
- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim
Gas costing you an arm and a leg? Or a kidney (I hear they go for lots of money these days)? Make your own biodiesel from stuff you eat and keep your body parts. Unless you drink it. It's still oil! What's the matter with you?
- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim
If you're looking to chase the Northern Lights, this real-time Auroral Activity map should come in handy (as well as canned food that's sealed with lead).
- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim, who is a bit obsessed with this bit of natural wonderment
While searching for the -phobia for "fear of rabbits" ( at reader Lee's request), we here at SMPT came upon the alliteration-y site The Language of Lagomorphs! Here, you can learn how to read a rabbit's emotions by observing its body movements. For example, a depressed rabbit's ears lay back with the openings down, and a bunny freak-out starts with chattering or grinding teeth and leads to screaming akin to pig squeals. Useful stuff when 1) partaking in bunny fu 2) you want to know if your rabbit is actually pissed at you or if its just its time of the month. Not so useful if you fear bunnies (Lee!).
- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim who incidentally used to have a rabbit named Cottontail
Don't know about you, but I'm a sucker for doohickeys that guarantee to solve my problems using thingamajigs based on Pioneering Cutting-Edge Scientific Research, especially when they also tell the time. (You think I jest, but jest do I not. Bad grammar, yes. Jest, no.) Enter the SLEEPTRACKER®, which according to the site, works like a watch and wakes you up at just the right moment-during a window of time that YOU set. Amazing! Brilliant! I need!
Thanks to Mr. Sanderino Cohano for tracking down the Sleeptracker for the global fellowship that is SMPT.
- report by SMPT correspondent, Kyoung Kim, who toyed with the idea of calling this post "If you snooze... then you WON'T lose" but thought better of it, as well as "this is why I'm not in advertising" let alone an astrophysicist
