For anyone tired of logic games and etymologies, try this. Provided that you're not in China, it's the ultimate procrastination. There's nothing like learning extraneous information about places you'll probably never go to. Also, Catherine would like to note: she's been to the bathroom at Banana, and Josh is right. Enjoy!
A Guide to Public Bathrooms in Beijing
By Josh Gardner
With its dark marble, gold fixtures, and admirable water pressure, the bathroom at the Kempinski Hotel is all Eastern-opulence-meets-German-efficiency; embassy officials poop in half the time it takes you to loosen your belt. This is surely how the mighty Qin emperors would have relieved themselves if their palaces had been built by Lufthansa. (Kempinski Hotel, 50 Liangmaqiao Dajie; 6465-3388; Open 24h).
After a hard day of observing odd-looking American men and their Chinese girlfriends at the Starbucks on the first floor, check out the rest room at China World Trade Center (Guo Mao). If the attractive two-tone color scheme doesn’t draw you in, the two-ply toilet paper surely will. Be forewarned, however – the paper is on a roll outside the stalls, over near the sink, so take as much as you’ll need before you sit down. This bathroom solves the tricky smoking / no smoking question by providing no smoking signs and ashtrays. (Guo Mao, Jianguomenwai Dajie; Open 8am-11pm).
The unpleasant fumes that periodically waft from the lavatory at Internet Surfing internet café are merely a hint of the utter rankness that waits inside. It seems that China’s dizzying rise to 21st Century technological stardom ended somewhere in the hallway. Can I log onto the not-getting-typhoid superhighway? (Internet Surfing; Dongsi Beidajie north of Chaoyangmennei Dajie; Open daily 10am-2am).
If a night out on the town is what you fancy, don’t miss the W.C. at Club Banana (Banana Julebu). The seemingly speed-addled attendants will shove paper towel after paper towel in your direction, shouting “HEY!” at regular intervals, roughly in time to the music. “Who needs this many paper towels?” you may wonder. The answer, you'll find, is you. (Banana Julebu; 22 Jianwai Dajie; 6528-3636; Open daily 9pm-late).
The ironic part of all this is that they started demolishing the public shitter (gongyong cesuo) around the corner from my apartment about two days after I moved in. (Dongsi Beidajie, Wu Tiao; Closed).
Looking to book your next flight out of your respective taco stand? If you're a You're-such-a-dude Dude, I won't have to tell you twice to look no further than Hooters Air. That's right -- the restaurant chain that brought you double-Ds with your burgers, has gone, er, mile-high.
