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If you eat vomit, soap is very refreshing afterwards.


please tell me you're kidding about tasting your own ear wax (or anyone's). please. thank you.


yeah, sure. I remember personal info.

No one likes booger beans. No one.

Each of the four summary points about dad are accurate, if a bit indelicate.

What happened with your bus stop ticket? Did you return the flashlight? Holding lights in your teeth is bad because levers against your incisors are bad.

Unshaved? Omigod! Belly fat is the problem.

I heard last night on TV that CSI Vegas is having auditions for cadavers on the show. Can you
imagine the psychological implications of failing an audition to be a dead person on TV? I mean, how good, or bad, do you have to be?

When we meet again, give me another box of funny flavored jelly beans and I'll give them the careless, but happy and detailed, review they deserve.

You're quite the Saltine! In fact,
you're our Saltine! How's that for
pride and possessiveness? and a lot of ssssss's? See, 6! No, 7!

10 o'clock: Time for Numbers! This must be Friday.

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